Monday, 12 August 2013

...and Relax!

I’m often told that I should relax more, to chill out and not to worry about things so much. “Really? Oh well, yeah, that’s what I should do then” I often say slightly sarcastically “I’d never thought of that! Thank you, really, thank you!” I know that I should perhaps not be so sarcastic but in all truth it actually makes me tenser when people suggest that I should stop worrying. “Thay have no idea what it is like to have these worries going through my mind every second of every day!” I think grumpily but by the same token, I don’t know what it is like to be a relaxed and laid back soul so perhaps I should be a little more understanding in return.

If someone gave me a machine that would give me the option of allowing someone to feel exactly the way I feel, would I use it freely to prove my point? The answer is no, I wouldn’t subject anyone to the tirade of terror inflicted upon me by my barrel of laughs OCD companion Fred as it would be inhumane. So why do I have to put up with it? I decided to try out some relaxation techniques.

Now, before I start, some things haven’t worked for me but that doesn’t mean they are not worth trying so don’t take my experiences as recommendations or advice not to try. I am just a cynical old bugger these days and I have tried things that I have thought might even be ludicrous but have perhaps helped a little. In saying that, I would avoid activities that may want to take vast amounts of cash from you while offering little in return. So, common sense should be applied as always.

The first time I ever really decided with any determination to try a relaxation technique was over a decade ago. I was undergoing therapy and, as I had raging insomnia at the time, I was given a relation tape to try. Now, not realising at the time, my OCD as pretty bad and I felt that despite trusting my counsellor I still wanted to hear what the tape had to say before undergoing sleepy therapy. I mean, what if it told me to take off my clothes and run down the street clucking like a chicken? Would I be hypnotised to sing “Have a banana!” when people mentioned not getting their 5 a day? With a healthy dose of fear I listened to the relaxation tape for the first time on both sides (That’s an hour I would never get back as I was tensely listening to every word to make sure that no hypnotism was involved) and satisfied myself that there was no skulduggery going on, I lay gently on a comfy bed in a warm room and played the tape through my cassette walkman (yep, it was that long ago).

I performed each action that the tape outlined and felt the difference in the feeling of my tensed muscles and relaxed muscles, it was all very soothing. Feeling that I was getting somewhere with this relaxation lark I laid my head back a little too sharply and the curtain behind me, whose pole was attached by blue tack or something similar, fell onto my head! All manner of relaxation wasn’t going to take the pain out of my now bruised head! I groaned (a bit) and swore (a lot) and all the while the lady on the tape is telling me that I am surrounded by comforting warmth and that I am safe. I suppose I was other than the glancing blow from the curtain pole. I sadly took this to be a bad sign and didn’t partake in relaxation for a number of years after that.

Coming to my senses later in life I was advised to learn an instrument as it is a peaceful and wonderful pastime. I agree but it is not so peaceful for flatmates, partners etc so I had to curb that one a little. ‘Yoga’ I was told while at work ‘Yoga works wonders to relax you’ so I tried that.

At this moment I am sadly significantly overweight but at the time I was fairly bendy – I dread to think how I would even attempt yoga these days. Anyhoo, several years ago I booked myself into a yoga class and, not wanting to humiliate myself in front of friends and well as the strangers in front of which I would be invariably embarrassing myself, I went alone. I was so confused at one point on how to do a particular move that the instructor came along and tried to explain to me how to breathe correctly. I tried not to be cynical but Brian in my head was saying “I’ve been breathing all this time, surely I’m doing it right?” whereas Fred in my head was in an all out panic yelling “Have we been breathing wrong all our life??? Have we been doing it wrong? Oh no, it’s going to take ages to find out how to do it right!” and part of me started thinking that perhaps my breathing was really bad and that everyone else was better at it than me which served to make me panic more. I tried the breathing techniques but I became so aware of my breathing that I either stopped and then gasped for breath or I forgot what to do altogether. My mind and body are not designed for concentrating on something I do naturally and trying to pull my body into a complex position. I can reassure you now that, you are breathing fine but with yoga there are specific ways to breathe in order to get the maximum out of the relaxation.

Another problem I had with yoga was that, at the end, the instructor put on some music, switched off the lights and promptly left the room. I lay, on my odd smelling foam mat, on my back on the floor with the chanting music playing in a room full of around 20 people and my brain wouldn’t shut up for a single second.

My first thought was “I’ll bet she has gone out for a cigarette. Man, I’d love a cigarette right now” (I smoked at the time) and then Fred piped up in my head in full volume “Where are your keys? Or your phone? You know they are at the other side of the room. There’s a person over there right next to them who could be stealing them right now? You do know that don’t you????” whereas Brian was calm but pensive saying “What is this music? Do you think that lady is going to come back? How long do we lay here for?” Frankly the whole session became pointless due to my constant worries at the end.

Try Pilates said friends. So I did. I went to a Pilates class and immediately found that I was the least bendy person in the world. At one point the instructor, who was a lovely lady but with very firm hands, came around to me and started trying to edge me into the correct positions – one of which I had to actually be physically helped out of. I’m sure that Pilates is great for some people but, as I had to be manually twisted into some positions, I don’t think it is for me.

When I was unemployed the company working with the Jobcentre to provide courses and help you to get back into employment gave me the option of a relaxation course. Basically it was using a relaxation CD in a large room with other people to help you imagine being in a serene and beautiful setting and there were a group of us in similar circumstances so that was quite helpful. However, the journey there and back, despite it being a mere mile or so, was so stressful that it became difficult for me to attend. When I was there it was very relaxing but then I found myself worrying that I had shouted in the middle of the session or that on the way out perhaps I had insulted someone and I couldn’t convince myself that I hadn’t (even though I knew that I hadn’t) so I stopped going altogether.

OCD has this little trick where sometimes, while crossing a road for example I might worry that I have been run over. Even though I know that I haven’t I start thinking that perhaps I have been run over and that I am a ghost. I’ve talked to a lot of psychologists, OCD sufferers and medical staff who say that this is part of the anxiety – this depersonalisation can make you feel very unreal. If I am on my own this can be particularly anxiety inducing as I start thinking that maybe I am a ghost (even though I don’t actually believe in ghosts) and that no one can see me. It doesn’t help in the modern world where few people make eye contact and, as this would often occur on my way home from the relaxation class, you can imagine that this somewhat cancelled it out.

True relaxation can be hard to achieve and strangely one of the only times that my shoulders sink down to a vaguely relaxed state is when I am at the dentist. Odd I know but I think that all the cleanliness around me and the fact that my dentist is really calming all culminates in some actual periods of relaxation. Obviously when she gets the drill out and starts pummelling away at my teeth it is a different story and it is not a long term solution for me to pitch up at my dentist’s office each day and demand that she lull me into calm.

One thing that I have found that gives me some sort of relief is photography. Don’t get me wrong, I am nowhere near professional and so even calling what I do ‘photography’ is possibly a vast insult to photographers so I apologise but I really love taking photos of wild birds. There is something that eases my mind when staring through the lens (or in my case LCD screen) at a beautiful bird or a scampering animal that few other activities really reach for me.

As well as natural relaxation techniques I have, of course, over the years been driven to taking medical means to relax but to be honest I haven’t found anything that made my muscles feel all gooey and nice but I have found that anti-psychotics have improved the intrusive thoughts and often knocked me out so have served as some way of getting a little release from OCD but as my body gets used to them even they seem to lose their benefit.

With something as intense and constant as OCD it can be difficult to relax I grant you but it is always worth trying some things to get some relief. Whether it is massage that works for you (the last massage I had made me want to shout at the person as it was a deep tissue massage for my tense muscles due to a trapped nerve but obviously experiences will differ!) or relaxation exercises or yoga or Pilates or sitting on a beach listening to the waves; many things are worth a try to achieve that level of melty brain goodness.

So I continue with my quest for relaxation, despite my cynical mind, and while you probably won’t find me in the downward dog position in a hurry, you may just find me behind a camera listening to the bird song and attempting to take amazing pictures. Well, I can hope...

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